60+ Impressive Gregory House Quotes That Will Blow Your Mind!

Last Updated on November 24, 2020 by Scott M. Thomas

Dr. Gregory House is the title character of the American medical drama series House. House’s character has been described as a misanthrope, cynic, narcissist, and curmudgeon, the last of which terms was named one of the top television words of 2005 in honor of the character. 

Gregory House has plenty of sayings about relationships, love, pain and religion. Below you’ll see the best of Gregory House quotes and sayings. Hope you’ll enjoy it. 

“Figuring out who people are takes time. And it takes twice as much time if they’re trying to impress you.” – Dr. Gregory House

“People don’t change. They just become more of who they really are.” – Dr. Gregory House

dr house quotes on medicine

“If you can fake sincerity, you can fake pretty much everything.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Love and happiness are nothing but distractions.” – Dr. Gregory House

“There’s no ‘I’ in the team. There’s a ‘me’ though, if you jumble it up.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Everything is conditional. We just don’t know what the conditions are.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Oxygen is so important during those prepubescent years, don’t you think?.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven’t slept with. I am that good.” – Dr. Gregory House

“If you’re dying, suddenly everybody loves you.” – Dr. Gregory House

gregory house quotes images

“Nobel invented dynamite, I won’t accept his blood money.” – Dr. Gregory House

“It is in the nature of medicine, that you are gonna screw up. You are gonna kill someone. If you can’t handle that reality, pick another profession or finish medical school and teach.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Just because you don’t know what the right answer is, maybe there’s even no way you could know what the right answer is doesn’t make your answer right or even okay. It’s much simpler than that. It’s just plain wrong.” – Dr. Gregory House

“It’s a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what.” – Dr. Gregory House

“There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is – in fact – a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate.” – Dr. Gregory House

“I take risks, sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die, so I guess my biggest problem is I’ve been cursed with the ability to do the math.” – Dr. Gregory House

“The problem is, the world doesn’t work that way just because you want it to.” – Dr. Gregory House

house m.d. quotes on relationships

“Jobs are not being destroyed, they are being relocated. The fact that you see that as inherently bad means that you are an irrational patriot. To put it another way: a patriot.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Lies are like children: they’re hard work, but it’s worth it because the future depends on them.” – Dr. Gregory House

“You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they’re going to lie through their lying little teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Figuring out who people are takes time. And it takes twice as much time if they’re trying to impress you.” – Dr. Gregory House

“If you wanted fair, you chose the wrong job, the wrong profession, the wrong species.” – Dr. Gregory House

“You live under the delusion that you can fix everything that isn’t perfect.” – Dr. Gregory House

“You took a chance, you did something great. You were wrong, but it was still great. You should feel great that it was great. You should feel like crap that it was wrong.” – Dr. Gregory House

“It’s normal to be screwed up, but it’s really screwed up to romanticize it.” – Dr. Gregory House

dr house quotes on life

“We were both wrong, not equally wrong. You were at least six times worse than me.” – Dr. Gregory House

“I am not warm and fuzzy and you are basically a stuffed animal made by grandma.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Is a lie a lie if everybody knows it’s a lie?” – Dr. Gregory House

“You know what’s worse than useless? Useless and oblivious.” – Dr. Gregory House

“If you’re not willing to look stupid, nothing great is ever going to happen to you.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Emotionally mature people who work together should not date. Guaranteed break-up, guaranteed ugliness.” – Dr. Gregory House

house m.d. quotes on god

“The only reason anyone gets married is that a homo Erectus female needed protection from predators while breastfeeding.” – Dr. Gregory House

“You spend your whole life looking for answers because you think the next answer will solve all your problems: make you a little less miserable, because when you run out of questions you don’t just run out of answers… you run out hope.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Pain makes us make bad decisions. Fear or pain is almost as big of a motivator.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Did you come for my feelings? Because I left ’em in my other pants.” – Dr. Gregory House

“I don’t ask why patients lie, I just assume they all do.” – Dr. Gregory House

“I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back’s turned you wait in line?” – Dr. Gregory House

“People don’t get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There’s nothing any of us can do about it.” – Dr. Gregory House

dr house sarcastic quotes

“I love how everyone thinks it’s so quaint and childlike of me to expect a modicum of privacy around here.” – Dr. Gregory House

“It’s the basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what?” – Dr. Gregory House

“I’ve found that when you want to know the truth about somebody, that somebody is probably the last person you should ask.” – Dr. Gregory House

“You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they’re going to lie through their lying little teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Oh, whores can like the sex. Doesn’t mean they’re not whores.” – Dr. Gregory House

“There’s a reason why we don’t let kids vote or drink or work in salt mines. They’re idiots.” – Dr. Gregory House

“You wanna make things right? Too bad, nothing’s ever right.” – Dr. Gregory House

gregory house quotes on pain

“I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna like you. It’s nothing personal, I don’t like anybody.” – Dr. Gregory House

“If you came back for more salary, you’re a whore. If you came back for the same salary, you’re a stupid whore.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?” – Dr. Gregory House

“Success lasts until someone screws them over. Failures are forever.” – Dr. Gregory House

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Gregory House Quotes On Religion

“Belief implies a level of giving a crap that I’m never gonna achieve.” – Dr. Gregory House

“You talk to God, you’re religious; God talks to you, you’re psychotic.” – Dr. Gregory House

gregory house quotes on religion

“White lies. Those are lies we tell to make other people feel better. Rationalizations. Those are lies we tell to make ourselves feel better.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Punishment is a proof of God and No punishment is a proof of God? Ingenious Argument!” – Dr. Gregory House

“Religion is the placebo of the masses.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Good lord! Are you having a bowel movement or a baby?.” – Dr. Gregory House

“If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Rational arguments don’t usually work on religious people. Otherwise there would be no religious people.” – Dr. Gregory House

“Either God doesn’t exist or he’s unimaginably cruel.” – Dr. Gregory House

gregory house quotes funny

“When we don’t find the logical answer, we settle for a stupid one. Ritual is what happens when we run out of rational.” – Dr. Gregory House

“How come God gets credit whenever something good happens? Where was he when her heart stopped?” – Dr. Gregory House

“Faith, that’s another word for ignorance, isn’t it? I never understood how people could be so proud of believing in something with no proof at all. Like that’s an achievement.” – Dr. Gregory House

“People get what they get. It has nothing to do with what they deserve.” – Dr. Gregory House 

gregory house famous quotes

“Religion is a symptom of irrational belief and groundless hope.” – Dr. Gregory House

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